I get a lot of questions every day, asking me about a thousand things regarding my own fetishes, my life, my personality.
It made me think about who I am, and I have tried to find the right words to tell you who Amarantha LaBlanche really is.

As you may have figured out I’m all about (heavy) rubber, breath play, bondage (preferably rubber bondage), medical/asylum play, military interrogation, tight lacing, and auto-erotica.

But let me tell you my story of how I became who I am today, with a smile.

I’ve taken a long road to get here, that started out 29 years ago when I was born.
My pale skin, ice blue eyes, tiny little freckles and dark brown hair with a reddish radiance immediately gave away my Irish roots.
I could tell you all about my childhood here, but you’d probably rather hear about my way into the Fetish/BDSM scene..
 

I have always been well trained and disciplined, starting when I was barely 6 years old.
For about 19 years I’ve been drilled into the life of a professional gymnast.
Ballet classes, gymnastics classes, baton twirling classes, stretching classes, dance discipline & showmanship classes, those were only part of my daily routine.
Every little girl would agree that wearing thick layers of makeup, wearing ribbons in your hair and dancing in pink princess dresses is just like a dream.
So did I. Dancing was all I had.
I have been competing on an international level, and was very successful as a gymnast.
I was a sweet and spontaneous little girl, but very insecure and shy, so didn’t really fit in anywhere.
I was bullied in school for being too thin, for being strange, for my husky voice,
for having freckles, I cannot think of a thing they did not pick on me for.
So after the school horror was over, I finally got to go to that one place where I belonged: the gym. I put all my energy and time in it, until I turned 18 and realized there was more to life than this.

 

After all I am very thankful for everything it has done for me: It turned me into a trained dancer, able to walk on ballet heels, be a performer at heart and very comfortable with the stage and the audience, and highly fascinated by ballet and discipline.
These days I’m still taking classes in both reggaeton, hiphop, dance hall, Afro,  and sometimes Latin for a change.
But no longer for the whole drill of competitions and accomplishments, only for my own fun because I love to do it!
 

When I was 15 I bought my first “kinky” item: A rubber catsuit!
It wasn’t the best quality, bought in the local sex shop but it meant the world to me.
After school I often went to the sex shop in town, I was way too young to be nosing around there but somehow the lady working there allowed me.
She was a bit of a motherly type, older, caring, and she would explain to me in decent but honest language if I had any questions. 
I was curious, I tried on the PVC outfits often but longed for the rubber catsuit.
It was packed in a box, and not allowed to try on before buying.
Days, weeks, months have gone by where I could only touch the rubber and imagine what it would look like on me.
For over a year I saved my pocket money just to buy this catsuit I had been glancing at for a long time.
Of course this was my biggest secret, every weekend again I changed my clothes somewhere outdoor cause my family could never find out about this.
They would have disowned me.
I felt great going to normal places in my shiny outfits, I loved the attention, I loved the way it made me feel.
Somehow after years of getting bullied everywhere,never fitting in at school, always been the nerdy quiet kid, never been the sexy or cool kid, all eyes were on me.
A new exhibitionist was born, taking her first steps into this big world.

Like most of us I first ended up in the industrial/goth scene where I literally partied till I almost died.
Then eventually I got really bored with it, and figured there were more places similar to this but then even better.
A place where like-minded people could meet, play, talk, share their darkest desires.
When I was finally of legal age I went to my first fetish party “Boudoir Bizarre” , and bizarre that was for sure!

The first thing I noticed when I walked inside were the men on stage dangling from fleshhooks, pierced skin, blood everywhere, pain and pleasure all in one.
I was so truly fascinated by what I saw, suddenly a very confident thought popped up in the insecure me: I WANTED TO BE A PERFORMER!
So I could finally do what I wanted to do, dress how I wanted to dress, be who I wanted to be without anyone telling me what to do.
The puzzle was finally complete, all the missing pieces were now found and made sense.
I think everyone has this little voice deep inside telling you you’re doing the right thing.
Usually it only spoke to tell me I was screwing everything up, but this time it was different.

I went home, started writing my own scenarios right away, designed my clothes, created a stage name, and wrote the big promoters.
I was invincible, I just knew I had to do this.
They immediately replied they all wanted to have me.
I made up the story that I was some big international fetish star with a lot of experience, been really creative with my ‘resume’ and convinced them they should really have me.
You don’t know who I am?
Your bad, then you probably haven’t paid attention and missed the important news!
I kind of tricked promoters into hiring me, and nobody asked questions.
Nobody ever knew, people just took my words on my resume and I fooled them all.
But let’s face it, nobody wants to book a rookie!
From that moment on I started building up my own REAL resume, and now my resume doesn't even fit on the screen anymore haha!
 

I started out with some classy Burlesque but soon turned this into my own twisted project combined with play piercing.
I started out at home with a bunch of books about human anatomy & physiology, and a box of injection needles that I bought at the local pharmacy.
I used my own body as my canvas, explored how much I could handle, how things would feel, how my body would react.
The body-modder inside of me was developing a huge passion here.
I started replacing those crappy needles for professional gear, got a lot of help from my awesome (professional) piercer-friends and I’ve done a lot of fetish meets body mod shows.
Later on, the shows turned sexier and sexier, and I started doing more hardcore rubber performances and left the needles aside.

Then I took my first step into fetish pornography in 2008.
I remember the whole world telling me that I would go to hell, turned into a slut, whored myself out for some publicity.
I recently split with my ex-partner and people kept putting the blame on that, saying I had gone insane.
None of it was true, the only truth is that I finally chose for myself and made my own decisions.
I went my own way, and the people that didn’t approve on that called it “insanity”.
These were tough times because I felt like I had to prove the world I was doing great, as if I had to convince each single one of them every day again.
I got in touch with Anna Rose (http://alterpic.com) after I finally pressed the send button.
I had written her an email to ask if she would like to work with me for like a hundred times, but never pressed the send-button because people convinced me I would be a bad person if I did.
But one day, in fact one week after I broke up, I finally got the balls to send her the email and she quickly replied that she wanted to shoot with me.
I was so nervous, oh boy.
Anna Rose and I have worked together now for years, and I am very thankful that she gave me the chance, the experience, the knowledge and the spine to do this.
She is an amazing person and always gave me the strength to choose to live for myself.
First of all I felt naughty for doing this and kept my secret for quite a while.
Like someone having a dirty job nobody is supposed to know about.
I did not want my friends to turn their backs on me, and I was afraid for people’s reactions.
Some found out and were shocked, other found out and weren’t even surprised.
I have lost some dear friends over this though, they no longer wish to be associated with me. It still isn’t easy with relatives, I know they feel worried and disappointed.
I have cried my eyes out about this for a long time, but decided if that is how they feel, they apparently aren’t compatible to me, so be it.
After I cut myself loose from a lot of things that I felt I needed to, I could finally look at myself in the mirror without feeling guilt or anger towards myself.
This is who I am, this is what I want to be.
I guess this is not the side of me people usually think of but hey,  even though I like to be a rubber doll, I am still a person.
 

But hey, something happier now:
A lot of people ask about my role in BDSM and assume I must be a Domina cause of my high heels and latex clothes.
I am a switchgirl, and let me tell you why.
I’ve always thought I was strictly Dominant, because people always submitted to me naturally. But let me ruin that image for a second.
I don’t get off on easy people AT ALL.
I prefer stronger, confident and intelligent people to deal with.
Despite the fun I’ve always felt like something was missing.
Through years of discipline (as a ballet dancer and gymnast) I discovered I am a masochist, dipped in perfectionist sauce.
Experience taught me that I feel even deeper and more when I’m taken out of my comfort zone.
This does not mean I need abusive sex or violence, it’s in the little things.
I started to secretly hold my breath whenever people weren’t looking.
I always considered this a mental defect especially when I were a little girl.
Try to explain that to your high school crush.
When I grew older I realized it wasn’t a defect, it was a blessing to feel things way beyond that point of how most people feel them.
When I close my eyes and hold my breath, I enter my world.
It was hard for me to find a connection with anyone really.
It has to come from deep inside, a feeling, not from a book or someone else telling you how to behave.
I got bored of the whole “You are a nobody and I am gonna destroy you”.
The same thing all the time, and what was in it for me?
It didn’t satisfy me enough to keep it up the whole time, and started to annoy me.
I like sensory deprivation, and I don’t like to breathe much.
The discomfort keeps me in balance feeling great.
To me balance is most important, my whole being depends on it cause I need it.

Did I ever mention I don’t like things to be easy for myself?
My heels gotta be too high, I get off on the discomfort vs the sexual attention, the rubber I wear should be too warm and sweaty, and I’d still be dancing and suffering with a smile all night long.
My feet will ache, I will have a hard time breathing in my tight corset, but that keeps me going. I enjoy to do the impossible.
Apart from the aesthetics that I like, I enjoy to shock/slightly offend people with my appearance too.
I want their heads to turn and discuss me, to feel their eyes burning through my back while I slowly strut by on my towering heels. I feed on their envious and horny stares.
Going out in easy-wear doesn’t work for me, it makes me feel weird and wrong.

I also got to know myself 10.000 times better through the video sessions where I got to play different roles, been put in a hundred situations and got to experience tons of craziness.
And here the whole experiment started… Amarantha turned into a Switch.

People always made me feel like I was a monster for the things I like and am.
I have tried to change myself a thousand times, for the sake of getting socially accepted and be loved back by my loved ones.
But I know better now that I understand this part of myself a whole lot more, I can’t be anyone else. I am me and I am happy to be me these days.

My anxiety dominated me and my life, but these days I can dominate it right back. And with my kinks I manage to deal with them in maybe strange ways, but they help me grow in the process.
Although I submit, I am in charge of it and trust the hands that lead me here.
But think of this, being out of your comfort zone makes you vulnerable and exposed to new experiences, new feelings and new emotions.
It makes you hundred times as sensitive, receptive and open.
There’s so much to figure out about yourself, it would be a waste not to!